I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize