Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
