Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize