Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Even my vagina gasped.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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