you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
