First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
