ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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