i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize