i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
