Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
