she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
