Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
