So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
