This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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