he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
