ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
