I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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