What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
