what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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