I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
