she woke up with a sticky ear
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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