Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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