I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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