Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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