I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
