Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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