don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
