i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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