I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
