i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
