Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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