I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
