my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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