Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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