Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
