I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
