You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
