I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
