Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize