dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
did i walk over a car last night?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
