i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
