I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize