My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
