Having a random hookup so left but love u
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
