If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
