pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
