so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
