i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
