there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
