Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
