Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
