I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize