I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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