all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
