I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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