i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Less talking, more tequila
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
