Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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