Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
