what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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