Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
