Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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