hotel room ftw
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
