remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
