i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize