I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
