and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
