He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
