Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
