she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
