Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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