May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
