like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
