I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
