When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
