Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my being single is dangerous.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
