Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
