i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize