if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
