Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
