I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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