how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
