I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
