i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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