Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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