You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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