when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
