Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
