I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
