I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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