You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize