i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
