Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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