it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to calm my uterus...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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