break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
